The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and effects.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to effective feelings of destination, excitement, wellness, love, and closeness .

When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in urban areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a internet trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay males wish to learn from the starting if a prospective partner Bonuses is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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