The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great as well).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective why not check here feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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